BonBon, Weird Weightloss, Depression and School

Bon Bon!

I'm alive, lol

Ah I'm so sorry for ditching you till now :O

LOTS of stuff happened so... gotta update haha

Well, I see I left off from last September..

I ended up dropping my summer course, I wasn't able to keep up with the homework and studying at all. Mostly all summer, I never went outside the house other than grocery shopping. I stayed in bed for most of the time, I didn't know what to do. I ignored all my texts/calls from friends, I was scared to show myself in such bad condition to others. Felt really fatigue and hopeless. I remember I was literally sleeping ALL THE TIME cause I didn't know how else to cope with the blue feeling

New school year started in October, now I am a second year in college. I was neither happy or sad. I didn't feel the fresh excitement I usually get during the first few days of school. After several days, I found myself ditching lectures and work as well. I wasn't able to get out of bed and felt miserable. I was always worried about my future, I forgot how "happiness" felt, I found myself looking up at the sky a lot wondering why I am here.

Feeling very weak and crying at random times, I couldn't cope with my overwhelming feeling of worries that I seeked for help. I met up with a school therapist and psychiatrist and I felt a bit better by just talking to them. Well they diagnosed me as having mild depression again and Doctor gave me anti-depressant prescriptions which I have been taking it everyday since then. I decided to give myself a break so I withdrew from school, but I still kept working on campus. This really lifted a lot of stress from me, so that was nice. I also gathered my courage to talk to my dad about this and I was really surprised that he was very understanding and helpful.

I met up with my family and spent a lot of time with my dad during winter break. It was so helpful to hear my dad's struggle in life which I never knew about and it made me realize I am not the only one. My therapist suggested I should volunteer or get a pet to keep me company. I wasn't able to get a volunteer position on campus but my dad got me a bunny for Christmas! :D

Best gift ever lol. It's my first pet too and I never feel lonely anymore :P It is a new and weird at the same time how much I am saved by Bon Bon (my bunny).

After spending a lot of time planning out my future and taking things slowly, I decided to return to school. I am currently taking 4 classes at my uni and I am lucky to have good professors and fun classes :) 

As for my weight loss diet, I strayed away from doing any type of diets. I was just too depressed to even care for my body. I was at the point where I was too worried about what will happen to me regarding career wise that I didn't care how fat I looked anymore. Maybe it's cause of my depression, I lost appetite. WHICH IS SO WEIRD, cause I never lose appetite lol. 

I was around 157lbs during the summer and now I currently weigh 142lbs, so I lost more than 10lbs without any effort lol. I am still eating unhealthy, rarely do I eat veggies or fruits :O The weightloss I am guessing is probably cause I haven't been eating A LOT like I used to. It's really scary how fast and effortless I lost weight... I don't feel any different from last summer so I looked over my pictures that I took of myself during the summer. OMG, my face looked so swollen and gross. 

I am feeling much better now :) I have been waking up around 7am everyday and I am taking things slowly. It was a bit frightening when I came back to school this year since I wasn't used to being around so many people at once. I threw away most of my social life (club activities) and focused on just me and my health. I feel much comfortable now around people :) and the weird thing is, I have been talking to guys! :D I met and made 1 or 2 guy friends which is amazing for me since I am so bad with men lol. 

This might sound stupid, but I met a wonderful guy. He told me I look cute! :D Well the thing is, I met him online through this internation penpal site where you chat with people around the world to learn new languages. I first joined the community hoping to meet Japanese people to brush up my Japanese skills. We talk on skype like everyday cause he wants me to teach him Japanese. It's a bit scary how far I have progressed from last year and I'm always scared that this will last for only few more days and I will go downhill again.

I plan to go back to HCG dieting this week. My goal is to be at 130lbs by the end of winter quarter (so end of March). I think I can do it... I think lol. 

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Comments (1)

  1. taytay81

    2012 was a bad year for me i spent all of it depressed and injured. i slept for 3 months then was awake for the next 3 it was really hard. i finally started classes and ended up failing all of them do to unforseen events but that threw me back. im still fighting but classes started again im tryin. i also am trying to look like a girl not just plane jeans and a tank. so i understand what you been through. im so glad you have support keep going! bonbon super cute! i want a bunny. im tay by the way.

    January 27, 2013
    1. sora224

      wow its really nice to know that there’s other ppl that knows what I’m talking about, lol. or well, not really happy knowing that there’s others that are feeling miserable like I did but… it just also means we can help each other! I hope you are doing better..?
      Yeah I failed my classes last quarter so I guess Im a bit scared to repeat the same thing this quarter :O
      haha yeah! bunnies are fun to play with :P
      do you have a pet? they really help. Im like talking to bonbon about my problems haha, such a loner :P

      January 27, 2013
      1. taytay81

        not a loser! i have a dog and a cat and my parents have one dog, i talk to all of them more than i talk to my parents and i live with my parents. lol. right now im doing alright. trying really hard not to give up, i dont want to i want to do well. i know how it feels to give up and i dont want to feel that but dealing with life and classes is not easy.
        i am better im not on antidepressants anymore i stopped them my dr didnt say i could or couldnt its been ruff around here so ya. to much. but im staying positive and if i need them i know they will help but i still need to try.

        January 28, 2013
        1. sora224

          lol aww Ive always wanted a dog I was thinking of getting a dog but I knew I wouldn’t be able to take good care of it while I am busy with college :/ but I am happy to have BonBon in my life now lol.
          yeah school and social life definitely isn’t hard. Oh why did you stop taking them? My doc told me I should do it for a year cause I guess depression isn’t something that can be cured fast.
          but that’s good to hear you’re really working hard to turn your life around what kind of stuff have you been doing regarding social life wise?

          January 28, 2013
          1. taytay81

            i stopped after maybe 2 months its cliche but i felt better i was able to handle life with out them. social wise.. nothing. i live in a tiny podunk town. i have a bf =) but hes far away. a full state away from each other. i miss him.

            January 28, 2013
            1. sora224

              oh thats great! I’m kinda scared of stopping, lol cause even though I feel better now, Im scared it might come back again. I mean, that’s what happened to me last year; I had it in the beginning of 2012, then I got a bit better, but then it came back (much worse than before) after few months. and aww lucky! how did you meet your bf if he lives far away? and how do you deal with long-distance relationship…must be hard :O

              January 28, 2013
  2. bo989

    I think you are stronger for going through these roughpatches in life. It is really good to see you getting better, if i were you i wouldnt go for the hcg i would justkeep on doing what you aredoing you havebroke some badhabiits in the factthat you arent eaten asbigger portions like you said. just chage a few more so easy – opt for stirfries chicken over pork low fat sauces justlittle things. no big changesafter all weshould enjoy food the restrict mentalitymayonly send you back the way you ere with binging.130 is really doable and you will look great andheisrightin sayingyourcutebecause you are :P

    January 27, 2013
    1. sora224

      thanks! yeah I feel much better regarding health wise.how about you? how have you been!?

      January 27, 2013
      1. bo989

        well if you read my blog – wrist cutting etc you’ll see, but i finally think i am pulling through. he is good andbadfor me i.e suisidal depressent but has been through similar issues in places. p.s long hair = worth growing – onlycut mine due to damage from dying itin 2011!

        January 28, 2013
      2. bo989

        well if you read my blog – wrist cutting etc you’ll see, but i finally think i am pulling through. he is good andbadfor me i.e suisidal depressent but has been through similar issues in places. p.s long hair = worth growing – onlycut mine due to damage from dying itin 2011!

        January 28, 2013
        1. sora224

          yeah I did, I’m sorry to hear that. I saw your arm picture with the cuts, it looks really painful :O I never cut myself since I’m such a wimp and scared of sharp objects so I can’t imagine how bad it must have been…
          and ahh I see. well it’s nice to know that he’s understanding because he knows what you are going through and stuff.
          ahh but your hair now looks really cute what color did you dye it before?

          January 28, 2013
          1. bo989

            there wasn’t a pictureof this cut -i meant like 3 blogsago, but yeah there is no reason for you to consider cutting – leave your skin so soft and beautiful youdont want that.hmm myhair :/

            January 28, 2013
            1. sora224

              Mhm what does your bf think about cutting?

              January 28, 2013
          2. bo989

            he is a self harmer too – he cutsso badhe has ruinedthe nervesin two of his fingers and cant fellthemhe is a suicidal depressent who has been diagnosed with pyscosis – very unstable and irrational. partof me feedsoff the crazy and him off mine but it canget toomuch.

            January 29, 2013
            1. sora224

              ohhhh wow :O That is… very painful Im glad he met you though lol, you guys seem to both be helping each other out!

              January 30, 2013
  3. koide1979

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    April 22, 2016