I'm alive, lol
Ah I'm so sorry for ditching you till now :O
LOTS of stuff happened so... gotta update haha
Well, I see I left off from last September..
I ended up dropping my summer course, I wasn't able to keep up with the homework and studying at all. Mostly all summer, I never went outside the house other than grocery shopping. I stayed in bed for most of the time, I didn't know what to do. I ignored all my texts/calls from friends, I was scared to show myself in such bad condition to others. Felt really fatigue and hopeless. I remember I was literally sleeping ALL THE TIME cause I didn't know how else to cope with the blue feeling
New school year started in October, now I am a second year in college. I was neither happy or sad. I didn't feel the fresh excitement I usually get during the first few days of school. After several days, I found myself ditching lectures and work as well. I wasn't able to get out of bed and felt miserable. I was always worried about my future, I forgot how "happiness" felt, I found myself looking up at the sky a lot wondering why I am here.
Feeling very weak and crying at random times, I couldn't cope with my overwhelming feeling of worries that I seeked for help. I met up with a school therapist and psychiatrist and I felt a bit better by just talking to them. Well they diagnosed me as having mild depression again and Doctor gave me anti-depressant prescriptions which I have been taking it everyday since then. I decided to give myself a break so I withdrew from school, but I still kept working on campus. This really lifted a lot of stress from me, so that was nice. I also gathered my courage to talk to my dad about this and I was really surprised that he was very understanding and helpful.
I met up with my family and spent a lot of time with my dad during winter break. It was so helpful to hear my dad's struggle in life which I never knew about and it made me realize I am not the only one. My therapist suggested I should volunteer or get a pet to keep me company. I wasn't able to get a volunteer position on campus but my dad got me a bunny for Christmas! :D
Best gift ever lol. It's my first pet too and I never feel lonely anymore :P It is a new and weird at the same time how much I am saved by Bon Bon (my bunny).
After spending a lot of time planning out my future and taking things slowly, I decided to return to school. I am currently taking 4 classes at my uni and I am lucky to have good professors and fun classes :)
As for my weight loss diet, I strayed away from doing any type of diets. I was just too depressed to even care for my body. I was at the point where I was too worried about what will happen to me regarding career wise that I didn't care how fat I looked anymore. Maybe it's cause of my depression, I lost appetite. WHICH IS SO WEIRD, cause I never lose appetite lol.
I was around 157lbs during the summer and now I currently weigh 142lbs, so I lost more than 10lbs without any effort lol. I am still eating unhealthy, rarely do I eat veggies or fruits :O The weightloss I am guessing is probably cause I haven't been eating A LOT like I used to. It's really scary how fast and effortless I lost weight... I don't feel any different from last summer so I looked over my pictures that I took of myself during the summer. OMG, my face looked so swollen and gross.
I am feeling much better now :) I have been waking up around 7am everyday and I am taking things slowly. It was a bit frightening when I came back to school this year since I wasn't used to being around so many people at once. I threw away most of my social life (club activities) and focused on just me and my health. I feel much comfortable now around people :) and the weird thing is, I have been talking to guys! :D I met and made 1 or 2 guy friends which is amazing for me since I am so bad with men lol.
This might sound stupid, but I met a wonderful guy. He told me I look cute! :D Well the thing is, I met him online through this internation penpal site where you chat with people around the world to learn new languages. I first joined the community hoping to meet Japanese people to brush up my Japanese skills. We talk on skype like everyday cause he wants me to teach him Japanese. It's a bit scary how far I have progressed from last year and I'm always scared that this will last for only few more days and I will go downhill again.
I plan to go back to HCG dieting this week. My goal is to be at 130lbs by the end of winter quarter (so end of March). I think I can do it... I think lol.